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You Know You've Got A Mangalorean Wife When...
You speak to her in pure Konkani and she insists on talking to you in half-broken English.

She does not talk to you for several days because at a recent party you chose to speak in chaste Konkani and not English, thus lowering her social status She wears high-heels to a dance and then goes bare foot on to the dance floor because it is more comfortable.
She either has one brother called Wilfy, an uncle called Peddy, a cousin called Vally Dattu, a distant aunt called Yellubai (nickname for Aunty Helen),a mother who is called Jillibai, a neighbour called Wilfy, and a dog called Tommy.

She cooks "paiz" (boiled rice) for breakfast, lunch, brunch, dinner and for in-between meals. Accompanied by "Kualo Kadi" and "Lonche".
She buys the smallest shrimps in the market, cooks it …………..

Bronia Fernandes, Mumbai 29/08/2002.

A guy walks into a bar, orders 3 mugs of Budweiser and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender winks and tells him, "You know, a mug of beer goes flat soon after I draw it, it would taste better if you bought one at a time."

The guy replies, "Well, it's like this, I have 2 brothers. One is in Australia, the other is in Ireland, and I'm in good ol' U S of A. When we all left home after college, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember  the days we had fun guzzling together. So I drink one for each of my brothers and one for myself. For old time's sake." The bartender admits that this is a touching, heart-warming custom, and  leaves it at that.

The guy becomes a regular in this bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders 3 mugs and drinks them one sip each, in turn. One day, he comes in and orders 2 mugs. All the regulars + bar-tender take notice and  become silent.(Guy must have lost a brother).

When he comes back to the bar for the second round,  the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I want to offer my  condolences on your loss."

The guy looks puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns and he  laughs. "Oh no, everybody in the family's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife had me join her Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking all together. Darn, but this hasn't affected my 2 brothers though !!!!!"


Archibald Furtado, Muscat 23/08/2002


A story tells that two friends were walking through the desert. During some point of the journey they had an argument, and one friend slapped the other one in the face. The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying anything, wrote in the sand: "TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE." They kept on walking until they found an oasis, where they decided to take a bath. The one who had been slapped got stuck in the mire and started drowning, but the friend saved him. After he recovered from the near drowning, he wrote on a stone:


The friend who had slapped and saved his best friend asked him, "After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand and now you write on a stone. Why?" The other friend replied: "When someone hurts us we should write it down in sand where winds of forgiveness can erase it away But, when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone where no wind can ever erase it." LEARN TO WRITE YOUR HURTS IN THE SAND AND TO CARVE YOUR BENEFITS IN STONE.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them.

Jerry Britto, Thottam 16/08/2002

A man gets into shower just as his wife comes out of it and the door bell rings.After a few seconds of arguing as to who should answer the door, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs down stairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.Before she could say a word, Bob says "I'll give you 800 Dollars if you drop that towel !!!”

Deliberating for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.  Bob enjoys the sight for a while, chuckles and as promised, hands her the $800 and leaves.

Confused but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps herself back in the towel and runs up to tell her husband what happened !!!! Before she could open her mouth, the husband asks from the shower "who was that ?"

"It was Bob, the next door neighbor" she replies. "Great" the husband says.

"Did he say any thing about the $800 he owes me ?"

MORAL OF THE STORY :  If you share critical information pertaining to Credit and Exposure with your stakeholders, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Maurice D’Mello , 16/08/2002

One day a farmer's aging donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.  Finally he decided since the animal was old it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel mud into the well, to get him buried.

At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly.  The legend has it that the donkey said to have said, “My dear farmer, I slogged for you my entire life and I can still work for you.  Don’t bury me alive, just because I am old, and don't bury your own well, please.”  Then, to everyone's amazement, he quieted down.  With every shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel mud on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.  Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and took off as a wanderer, after a big ‘thank you’ to humans for treating him so humanely.

Life is going to showel dirt, all kinds of dirt.  The trick is to "shake it off and take a step up".  Thanks folks.

James Fernandes , USA  15/08/2002

John and David were both patients in a Mental hospital. One day while  they were walking passed the hospital swimming pool, John suddenly dove into the deep end. He sunk to the bottom and stayed there. David promptly jumped in and saved him. He swam to the bottom of the pool and pulled John out.

The medical director came to know of David's heroic act. He immediately ordered that David be discharged from the Mental Hospital,  as he considered him to be OK.

The Doctor said, "We have good news and bad news for you, David! The good news is that we are going to discharge you because You have regained your senses. Since you were able to jump in and save another patient you must be mentally stable. The bad news is that the patient whom you saved, Mr. John, hung himself in the bathroom, and died."

David replied, "Doctor, he didn't hang himself. I hung him there to dry."

Marina Gonsalves, Barkur, 15/08/2002


Barkur, located in Udupi Taluk, Karnataka, India. 576 210

Copyright Kishoo, Barkur 2002.