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A first grade teacher collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each kid in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest. Here are the results:
As You Shall Make Your Bed So Shall You . . . Mess It Up.
Better Be Safe Than . . . Punch A 5th Grader
Strike While The . . . Bug Is Close.
Never Under Estimate The Power Of . . . Termites/children!
You Can Lead A Horse To Water But . . . How?
Don't Bite The Hand That . . . Looks Dirty.
No News Is . . . Impossible.
A Miss Is As Good As A . . . Mr.
If You Lie Down With The Dogs, You'll . . . Stink In The Morning.
Love All, Trust . . . Me
The Pen Is Mightier Than The . . . Pigs.
An Idle Mind Is . . . The Best Way To Relax.
Where There's Smoke, There's . . . Pollution.
Happy Is The Bride Who . . . Gets All The Presents!
A Penny Saved Is . . . Not Much.
Two's Company, Three's . . . The Musketeers
Don't Put Off Tomorrow What . . . You Put On To Go To Bed.
Laugh And The Whole World Laughs With You, Cry And.... You Have To Blow Your Nose
Children Should Be Seen And Not . . . Spanked Or Grounded.
If At First You Don't Succeed . . . Get New Batteries.
You Get Out Of Something What You . . . See Pictured On The Box.
When The Blind Leadeth The Blind . . . Get Out Of The Way
James must be running out of jokes.....Our parents can come up with better ones! .......Can't you readers?
how come your friends get 'A's?......their parents are smart!
"Yes, Sir, Mr. Farthington - how do we get there?"
"Don't you have those little red fire trucks any more?"
A governor was visiting a state prison. He talked to the prisoners and asked what crimes they had committed. Each prisoner said he had never done anything wrong. To hear them talk, you would have thought they were all innocent, good men
At last the governor came to one prisoner who said, "I am accused of stealing some food to feed my starving family. Therefore, I am a thief. I deserve to be in this jail." "Then I must pardon you," said the governor, "and get you out of this place. You seem to be the only criminal in this prison, and I don't want you here setting a bad example to all these good men I have been talking to."
The governor could not find his way out. He asked one of the
prisoners, "How do you get out of this damned good place?"
James Fernandes USA, Jimtoxic@aol.com 10/09/2002
A nun arrives at the
local bar. John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a
quiet 'vatis' pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a
nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of
"You should be
ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood
of the devil!"
Now John gets pretty
annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive.
"How do you know
Superior told me so."
"But have you
ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are
saying is right?"
ridiculous--of course I have never taken alcohol myself."
"Then let me buy
you a drink - if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will
give up drink for life."
"How could I, a
Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?!"
"I'll get the
barman to put it in a teacup for you, then no one will ever
The Nun reluctantly
agrees, so John goes inside to the bar.
"Another pint for
me, and a triple vodka on the rocks", then he lowers his voice
and says to the barman "and could you put the vodka in a
"Oh no! It's not
that Nun again is it?"
not something to buy,
but it's definitely something to try.
will make you feel good,
as only happiness could.
may come from success,
or from what you possess.
it may come from the support of
and good friends
on whom you can always depend.
today I want to send some happiness your way
in hopes that you have a brighter day!
HAVE A GREAT DAY..
(NATASHA) DUBAI -02/09/2002
A rich man wanted to
sue a poor man who owed him Rs. 5.00. The rich man approached a village
lawyer. The lawyer tried
to talk the rich man out of suing the poor man for
such a small pittance, out of sympathy.
"It's the principle or justice that matters," said the
"If you won't do
the job, I will go to another lawyer.", said the rich man.
The lawyer finally
agreed to take the case. "But you must pay my fee now," said
the lawyer, "Twenty Rupees."
The rich man paid the
lawyer Rs. 20.00. Then the
lawyer went to the poor man who owed the money, gave him Rs. 10.00 and
told him to come to the court next day and pay the money he owed.The
poor man paid the five rupees to the rich man next day.The rich man had
his revenge---he thought, and was happy.The poor man got some extra
money, and was very happy too.
The lawyer got ten
rupees to settle such an easy case,
and was laughing all the time.
"EVERY ONE HAPPY."
Yes, this possibly
took place, when five rupees could buy 100
coconuts or one 'mudy/muudo'
James Fernandes, Jimtoxic@aol.com, USA 02/09/2002.
A newly arrived soul
in Heaven was met by St. Peter. The saint toured the soul around Heaven.
Both of them walked side by side inside a large work-room filled
St. Peter stopped in
front of the first section and said, "This is the Receiving
Section. Here, all the petitions to God said in prayer are
received". The soul looked at the section, and it was terribly busy
with so many angels sorting out petitions written on voluminous paper
sheets from all the people of the world.
They walked again
until they reached the 2nd section, and St. Peter told the soul,
"This is the Packaging and Delivery Section.
Here, The graces and blessings the people asked for are packed
and delivered to the persons who asked for them down on earth." The
soul saw how busy it was. There were so many angels working in that
room, since so many blessing were being packed and delivered to Earth.
Finally at the
farthest corner of the room, the soul stopped at the last section. To
the surprise of the soul, only one angel stayed there idly, doing
nothing. "This is the Acknowledging Section," St. Peter told
the soul. "How is it that, there is no work here?" "That's the sad thing," St. Peter answered.
"After the people received the blessings they asked for,
very few send their acknowledgments".
"How does one
acknowledge God's blessing?"
St. Peter answered. "Just say, "'Thank you, Lord'." Thank
you Lord, for giving me the chance to share this message with others.
If you have food in
the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to
sleep .. you are richer than 75% of this world.
If you have money in
the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish someplace .. you
are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy.
If you woke up this
morning with more health than illness ... you are more blessed than the
million who will not survive this week.
If you have never
experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the
agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation ..
you are ahead of 500 million people in the world.
If you can attend a
church meeting without fear of harassment, arrest, torture or death
..you are more blessed than three billion people in the world.
If your parents are
still alive and still married .. you are very blessed.
If you hold up your
head with a smile on your face and are truly thankful ..you are blessed
because the majority can, but most do not.
If you can hold
someone's hand, hug them or even touch them on the shoulder.. you are
blessed because you can offer healing touch.
If you can read this
message, you just received a double blessing because you are more
blessed than over two billion people in the world that cannot read at
Have a good day, count
your blessings and 'Thank' the Lord!
- Dubai - 31/08/2002
The Bible says that God created Adam from the mud/dirt/silt. A rare story I heard says that in order to give good texture and muscle tone, God put this man in the oven. This being God's very first scientific experiment, He put the man in the oven for a few seconds and took him out. Then, He decided to experiment further. He made another man and left this man in the oven for a few days. Then he created a third man and placed him in the oven for a few hours, timing perfectly. All three men looked at each other's difference, rather than their commonality. Apparently, God, to prevent trouble, sent the three men in three different directions.
James Fernandes, Jimtoxic@aol.com, USA 31/08/2002.
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