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A Doctor in heaven

Saint Peter Nurse-Jackie-740512.jpg nurse. image by castleful 

A Doctor, a Nurse, and a Health Ins. Agent died and lined up at the gates for admission to Heaven.

St. Peter asked them to identify themselves. The doctor stepped forward and said, "I was the Head of the department of Obstetrics & Gynecology and as Medical Superintendent of a Catholic run hospital, I delivered and saved thousands of babies, practiced holistic medicine, handled millions of surgeries, taught doctors and nurses, performed quite a few Caesareans as well, for over several decades. I was a Nun too, professed and practiced Poverty, Obedience, and Chastity, prayed and helped profoundly for the poor, unhealthy, and the neglected ones. I was an organ donor. I gave my young breast, functioning ovaries, and curled up uterus to cancer you know a very painful disease…."  St. Peter said, "Well done my child, you can enter. Your suffering will not go to waste.  I remember how Julius Caesar was delivered.  That’s how the term Caesarean delivery! There were no scalpel blades then except for the Roman swords for sagaital cutting open of his mother’s abdomen.


Ancient caesarean?

Roman mural from the 16th century (year 1506) showing an apparent caesarean delivery

I feel sorry for those women, and I guess all of them are up here.  Wine was the only anesthetic, for pain. You know, I shared and enjoyed wine often with Jesus, (only during dinner time) in Jerusalem. Hope those vines are watered, fertilized, and well pruned for the future populace.”

The Nurse said, "I took care of all the neonatal ones, some even pre-mature babies delivered by Doctor, this would be the First Nun cum Doctor Saint and took care of the post partum mothers until they were discharged."  St. Peter also invited her in saying, “Is that open needle used? Put it in the needle disposable container. We don’t need any cross contamination up here.”

The third applicant stepped forward and said, "I was the Health Insurance Manager and I helped all those babies and their mothers to get cost-effective health care."
St. Peter said, "You can come in too. However….." As the manager walked by, St. Peter quietly added, "But you can only stay three days. After that you have to go to hell. It’s not only cost effective, and it is free down there. Why you did not offer this hospital the malpractice suit insurance at a lower rate?”

Sir, Saint.. Padre.. Peter Saheb, this place did not need any insurance as long as Sr. Dr. Consilia was alive and running the show.  She was very diligent, vigilant, careful an Indian Jewel, a Mangalorean Jasmine they say, but too timid to break any rule!  Because of her, I lost a lot of commission you know.  Doesn’t matter you don’t let any cash up here anyway, to buy a seat closer to God.

Dr. Consilia said, “Saint Peter, why not have compassion on this gentleman, I will glorify the Lord all the more, by singing Magnificat.”  Her compassion has spread in Heaven too.

“Helen, since you intercede, he can stay in heaven.  Your congregation, your bothers and admirers will be proud of you on your first miracle.  Hey girl, you are not only in the right track, you are in the fast lane to sainthood!  To become saint and earn these keys to this coveted place, I had to die on the cross upside down!  Hope people are reminded often how I had to die!

 Masaccio (Tommaso di Giovanni): Crucifixion of St Peter 1426

Did you say you were an organ donor?  Did you say you helped the poor?  Is it true there is plenty of fish in Barkur?  I will put a word with Jesus, he likes to fish too, but just two, and then he feeds five thousand people, at a time.”

Folks, God has said loud and clear, “Ask and it shall be given unto you.”

Your children will witness the realization of this request.

James Fernandes, USA


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