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"I want to get married, Pop. How many rings do I need?"
"Three rings, son, only three. Engagement ring, wedding ring, and thereafter suffering."

"How much will it cost in all, pop?"

"I am not sure son. I am still paying for it, everyday!"

Bloopers of children.

Some bloopers of biblical proportions written by Sunday School students of both the Christian and Jewish persuasion:

In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.

Adam & Eve were created from an apple tree.

Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.

Noah built the ark, which the animals came on in pears.

Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night

The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.

Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a jezebel like Delilah.

Sampson slated the Philistines with the axe of apostles.

Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients

The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.

Afterward, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments.
The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
The Fifth Commandment is humor thy mother and father.
The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
Moses died before he ever reached the UK. Then, Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol.

The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him

David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in the biblical times.
Solomon, one of David's sons, has 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
When Mary heard that she was the Mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.

When the three wise guys from the East Side arrived, they found Jesus and the manager.

Jesus was born because Mary had an emaculate contraption.
St. John, the Blacksmith, dumped water on his head.
Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you.

He also explained, "Man doth not live by sweat alone."
The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.
The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
One of the opossums was St. Matthew, who was by profession a taximan.
St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.

A Christian should have only one wife. This is called monotony.
PS: Man does not live by bread alone.  He needs butter, thuppa, and a few jokes, as well.

James Fernandes Jimtoxic@aol.com 01/10/02

Woman

If you Kiss her, you are not a gentleman
If you do not, you are not a man.

If you Praise her, she thinks you are lying
If you do not, you are good for nothing.

If you agree with all her likes, you are abusing
If you do not, you are not understanding.

If you make romance, you are an experienced man
If you do not, you are half a man.

If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy
If you do not, you are a dull boy.

If you visit her too often, she thinks it is boring
If you do not, she accuses you of double-crossing.

If you are jealous, she says it is bad
If you are not jealous, she thinks you do not love her.

If you attempt a romance, she says you did not respect her
If you do not, she thinks you do not like her.

If you are a minute late, she complains it is hard to wait
If she is late, she says that is a womans way.

If you visit another, she accuses you of being a heel
If she is visited by another, Oh, it is natural, we are women.

If you Kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold
If you Kiss her too many times, she yells that you are taking advantage.

If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics
If you do, she thinks it is just one of mans tactics.

If you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting
If she is stared at by others, she say that they are just admiring.

If you talk, she wants you to listen
If you listen, she wants you to talk.

Oh God!  You created those creatures called woman So simple, yet so complex .So weak, yet so powerful. So confusing, yet so desirable

O LORD, TELL ME WHAT TO DO.

AMEN. ???

-Kishoo

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