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In the year 1950 or so, there was an International Conference on Space Research, I believe.  Some people said that they will put a man on the Moon. Others said they would go to Mars, and so on.  A person, even said, we can go to any planet merely by meditating using "mind over body" control.  Representatives of one particular nation discussed among themselves and announced that they would land on the Sun.  When the amazed audience asked, "What sort of fire-proof material you have invented," they replied proudly, "We are going to land there at night."

James Fernandes , Jimtoxic@aol.com

Some more on computers.....

If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.

Programmers dont die, they just GOSUB without RETURN.

Programmer: a red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with inanimate objects.

Real programmers donít document.

If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.

Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers.

Relax, its only ONES and ZEROS!

Proper Care of Floppies

We should all pay attention to the following:

1. Never leave diskettes in the disk drive, as data can leak out of the disk and corrode the inner mechanics of the drive. Diskettes should be rolled up and stored in pencil holders.

2. Diskettes should be cleaned and waxed once a week. Microscopic metal particles can be removed by waving a powerful magnet over the surface of the disk. Any stubborn metallic shavings can be removed with scouring powder and soap. When waxing the diskettes, make sure the surface is even. This will allow the diskette to spin faster, resulting in better access time.

3. Do not fold diskettes unless they do not fit into the drive. Big diskettes may be folded and used in little disk drives.

4. Never insert a diskette into the drive upside down. The data can fall off the surface of the disk and jam the intricate mechanics of the drive.

5. Diskettes cannot be backed up by running them through the Xerox machine. If your data is going to need to be backed up, simply insert two diskettes into the drive. Whenever you update a document, the data will be written on both diskettes.

6. Diskettes should not be inserted or removed from the drive while the red light is flashing. Doing so could result in smeared or possibly unreadable text. Occasionally the red light remains flashing in what is known as a hung or hooked state. If your system is hooking you will probably need to insert a few coins before being allowed access to the slot

7. If your diskette is full and you need more storage space, remove the disk from the drive and shake vigorously for 2 minutes. This will pack the data enough (Data Compression) to allow for more storage. Be sure to cover all the openings with scotch tape to prevent loss of data.

8. Data access time can be greatly improved by cutting more holes in the diskette jacket. This will provide more simultaneous access points to the disk.

9. Diskettes may be used as coasters for beverage glasses, provided that they are properly waxed beforehand. Be sure to wipe the diskettes dry before using (see item 2 above).

10. Never use scissors and glue to manually edit documents. The data is stored much too small for the naked eye, and you may end up with data from some other document stuck in the middle of your document. Razor blades and scotch tape may be used, however, provided the user is equipped with an electron microscope.

11. Periodically spray diskettes with insecticide to prevent system bugs from spreading.

-Kishoo

BRUCE LEES CHOICES

1) What is Bruce Lee's favorite vegetable?

Mu Lee

2) Bruce Lee's favorite breakfast?

Id Lee

3) What does Bruce Lee like to have for lunch ?

Tha Lee

4) What happens to the theatre once a Bruce Lee movie is over ?

Kha Lee

5) What is Bruce Lee's sister-in-law's name?

Saa Lee

6) Bruce Lee's favourite festival?

Diwa Lee

7) Bruce Lee's favourite Actress?

Sona lee

8) Bruce Lee's favourite Music?

Qawa lee

9) What is Bruce Lee's most interesting job?

Coo Lee

10) What is Bruce Lee's favourite hill station?

Kulu Manna Lee

11) When did Bruce Lee die?

Final Lee

12) How did Bruce Lee die?

With a Go Lee

Mavis Rodrigues, Bejai 15/09/2002

All u wanted to know about computersÖ.

Computers make very fast, very accurate, mistakes.

Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.

My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.

The information went data way

The definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in. 

The name is Baud...James Baud.

: \> Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.

Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay..

Why doesnt DOS ever say EXCELLENT command or filename!

It is a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.

Southern DOS: Yall reckon? (Yep/Nope)

File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)

Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny.

An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting

CONGRESS.sys. Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C. (Y/N)?

Does fuzzy logic tickle?

A computers attention span is as long as its power cord.

11th commandment:- Covet not thy neighbors Pentium

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?

Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.

Windows: Just another pane in the glass.

SENILE.COM found...Out Of Memory...

Who is General Failure & why is he reading my disk?

Ultimate office automation: networked coffee.

RAM disk is not an installation procedure.

Shell to DOS. Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS ...

All computers wait at the same speed.

DEFINITION: Computer - a device designed to speed and

automate errors.

Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.

Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!

E-mail returned to sender - insufficient voltage.

Help! I'm modeming ... and I can't hang up!!!

Error: Keyboard not attached. Press Fl to continue.

640K ought to be enough for anybody. Bill Gates.

1981 DOS Tip 17: add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS

Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFlG.SYS

Press any key - no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!

Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.

Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interruptdriven.

REALITY.SYS corrupted: Reboot universe? (Y/N/Q)

Speed up my XT; ran it on 220v! Works greO?--7/8

Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)

Read my chips: No new upgrades!

Hit any user to continue.

2400 Baud makes you want to get out and push!!

I hit the CTRL key but Iím still not in control!

Will the information superhighway have any rest stops?

Disk Full - Press Fl to belch.

Back-up not found.- (A)bort (R)etry (T)hrowup

Back-up not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic (R)etry, (T)ake down entire network?

Back-up not found: (A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a beer?

For More Masala Click 

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Copyright Kishoo, Barkur 2002.