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In the year 1950 or
so, there was an International Conference on Space Research, I
believe. Some people said that they will put a man on the Moon.
Others said they would go to Mars, and so on. A person, even
said, we can go to any planet merely by meditating using "mind
over body" control. Representatives of one particular
nation discussed among themselves and announced that they would land
on the Sun. When the amazed audience asked, "What sort of
fire-proof material you have invented," they replied proudly,
"We are going to land there at night."
James Fernandes , Jimtoxic@aol.com
Some more on computers.....
If debugging is the
process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of
putting them in.
Programmers dont die,
they just GOSUB without RETURN.
red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with inanimate
If it was hard to
write, it should be hard to understand.
Beware of programmers
who carry screwdrivers.
Relax, its only ONES
Proper Care of
We should all pay
attention to the following:
1. Never leave
diskettes in the disk drive, as data can leak out of the disk and
corrode the inner mechanics of the drive. Diskettes should be rolled
up and stored in pencil holders.
2. Diskettes should be
cleaned and waxed once a week. Microscopic metal particles can be
removed by waving a powerful magnet over the surface of the disk. Any
stubborn metallic shavings can be removed with scouring powder and
soap. When waxing the diskettes, make sure the surface is even. This
will allow the diskette to spin faster, resulting in better access
3. Do not fold
diskettes unless they do not fit into the drive. Big diskettes may be
folded and used in little disk drives.
4. Never insert a
diskette into the drive upside down. The data can fall off the surface
of the disk and jam the intricate mechanics of the drive.
5. Diskettes cannot be
backed up by running them through the Xerox machine. If your data is
going to need to be backed up, simply insert two diskettes into the
drive. Whenever you update a document, the data will be written on
6. Diskettes should
not be inserted or removed from the drive while the red light is
flashing. Doing so could result in smeared or possibly unreadable
text. Occasionally the red light remains flashing in what is known as
a hung or hooked state. If your system is hooking you will probably
need to insert a few coins before being allowed access to the slot
7. If your diskette is
full and you need more storage space, remove the disk from the drive
and shake vigorously for 2 minutes. This will pack the data enough
(Data Compression) to allow for more storage. Be sure to cover all the
openings with scotch tape to prevent loss of data.
8. Data access time
can be greatly improved by cutting more holes in the diskette jacket.
This will provide more simultaneous access points to the disk.
9. Diskettes may be
used as coasters for beverage glasses, provided that they are properly
waxed beforehand. Be sure to wipe the diskettes dry before using (see
item 2 above).
10. Never use scissors
and glue to manually edit documents. The data is stored much too small
for the naked eye, and you may end up with data from some other
document stuck in the middle of your document. Razor blades and scotch
tape may be used, however, provided the user is equipped with an
11. Periodically spray
diskettes with insecticide to prevent system bugs from spreading.
1) What is Bruce Lee's favorite vegetable?
2) Bruce Lee's favorite breakfast?
3) What does Bruce Lee like to have for lunch ?
4) What happens to the theatre once a Bruce Lee
movie is over ?
5) What is Bruce Lee's sister-in-law's name?
6) Bruce Lee's favourite festival?
7) Bruce Lee's favourite Actress?
8) Bruce Lee's favourite Music?
9) What is Bruce Lee's most interesting job?
10) What is Bruce Lee's favourite hill station?
Kulu Manna Lee
11) When did Bruce Lee die?
12) How did Bruce Lee die?
With a Go Lee
u wanted to know about computersÖ.
Computers make very fast, very accurate,
Computers are not intelligent. They only think
My software never has bugs. It just develops
The information went data way
The definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
The name is Baud...James Baud.
: \> Bad command or file name! Go stand in
Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay..
Why doesnt DOS ever say EXCELLENT command or
It is a computer, I find your faith in
Southern DOS: Yall reckon? (Yep/Nope)
File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
Ethernet (n): something used to catch the
An error? Impossible! My modem is error
CONGRESS.sys. Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C.
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
A computers attention span is as long as its
11th commandment:- Covet not thy neighbors
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case -
Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
Windows: Just another pane in the glass.
SENILE.COM found...Out Of Memory...
Who is General Failure & why is he reading
Ultimate office automation: networked coffee.
RAM disk is not an installation procedure.
Shell to DOS. Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to
All computers wait at the same speed.
DEFINITION: Computer - a device designed to
Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
E-mail returned to sender - insufficient
Help! I'm modeming ... and I can't hang up!!!
Error: Keyboard not attached. Press Fl to
640K ought to be enough for anybody. Bill Gates.
1981 DOS Tip 17: add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to
Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your
Press any key - no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
Press any key to continue or any other key to
Excuse me for butting in, but I'm
REALITY.SYS corrupted: Reboot universe? (Y/N/Q)
Speed up my XT; ran it on 220v! Works greO?--7/8
Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one?
Read my chips: No new upgrades!
Hit any user to continue.
2400 Baud makes you want to get out and push!!
I hit the CTRL key but Iím still not in
Will the information superhighway have any rest
Disk Full - Press Fl to belch.
Back-up not found.- (A)bort (R)etry (T)hrowup
Back-up not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic (R)etry,
(T)ake down entire network?
Back-up not found: (A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a
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Copyright Kishoo, Barkur 2002.