An Englishman went next door to welcome his new Indian neighbour. He as shocked  to see the man from India in his nice backyard chasing ten chickens around  like mad. "Must be an Indian custom," he thought to himself. Deciding he could put off the welcome till a later date, he went home.

The next day, he decided he was going to welcome the Indian man again. When  he looked through his window, he saw the Indian man urinate into a cup and drink it. "Must be an Indian custom," he thought to himself. deciding he could put off the welcome till tomorrow, he went on with other stuff. The third day, he was determined he had to welcome the Indian man. At  his gate, he saw the Indian man with his ear pressed against a cow's big fat  butt.

He became angry and went up to the Indian man. " I'm sorry sir, I  want to wish you a welcome, but I cannot stand your crazy Indian customs!" He yelled in the Indian man's face.

The Indian man looked confused and answered. "Sorry sir, I think you are mistaken. These are actually English  customs. I was told, to be English, you have to chase chicks, get piss drunk, and listen to bullshit."

Charles Lewis, Bahrain

A Human Resource Director was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul  arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St Peter himself. "Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter.

"Before you get settled in, though, it seems we have a problem. You see,  strangely enough, we never once had a Human Resources Director make  it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in", said the woman.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."

"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman. "Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.

The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were all dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night they went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner. She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kinda cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved good- bye as she got on the elevator. The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St. Peter waiting for her. "Now it's time to spend a day in heaven", he said. So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing.

She had a great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her. "So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity," he said. The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."

St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell. When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks. The devil came up to her and put his arm around her. "I don't understand, "stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club, and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is, is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."

The Devil looked at her and smiled. "Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're our staff..." 

Jossie Pinto, Kuwait

A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a Different hell for each country. He goes to the German hell and asks, "What do they do here?" He is told, "First they put you in an electric chair for An hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then The German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?" He is told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

"But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in?"

"Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the canteen!!!!!!