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In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell. At work you spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.
In prison you get 3 meals a day. At work you get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.
prison you get time off for good behavior. At work you get rewarded for
good behavior with more work.
prison you can watch TV and play games. At work you get fired for
watching TV and playing games.
In prison a guard
locks, unlocks, opens and closes all doors for you. At work you must
carry around a security card and unlock and open all doors yourself.
In prison they allow
you to visit your family and friends. At work you can't even speak to
family and friends.
In prison all expenses
are paid by taxpayers, with no work required.At work, you get to pay all
the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your
In prison there are
wardens who are often sadistic and psychotic. At work we call them
Adam talks all
After spending time
with Eve, Adam was walking in the garden with God. Adam told God how
much the woman meant to him
and how blesses he felt to have her. Adam began to ask questions about
Adam: Lord, Eve is so
beautiful. Why did you make her so beautiful?
So you would always want to look at her.
Adam: Lord, her skin
is so soft. Why did you make her skin so soft?
So you would always want to touch her.
Adam: She smells so
good. Why did you make her smell so good?
So you would always want to be near her.
Adam: That's wonderful
Lord, and I don’t want to seem ungrateful, but why did you make her
So she would love YOU.
instead of buying me an expensive graduation
gift, why not give
me something you've made yourself?"
A patient in a
hospital had a bandage on his right leg
& arm & the mark of a footwear on his back. On seeing
another patient by his side with both legs & arms bandaged &
with two footwear marks on his back, he could not restrain himself
without asking,"Friend,have you two wives?".
At a village hospital,
a lady delivered twin babies-one very fair & the other black.
Confused, the lady asked the doctor
as to what happened. Doctor
comforted her, "the fair one is the original & the other is the
"Do you know,when I came in I had a dreadful headache; I have quite
lost it now."
"Don't worry it is not lost. I have got it." Husband:"Why
are you looking so dull?" Wife:"I was reading a book with a
sad ending."Husband:"Which book is that?"
If there is
righteousness in the heart, There will be beauty in the character.
If there is beauty in
the character, There will be harmony in the home.
If there is harmony in
the home, There will be order in the nation.
If there is order in
the nation, There will be peace in the world.
what did your daddy say when you told him that you got the first prize
in speech competition?"
said, very well my little girl, you are becoming more and more
like your mother."
SECRET OF SUCCESS
"What is the
secret of success?" asked the Sphinx.
the button. "Never be led",said the pencil."Take
pains",said the window. "Do a driving business", said the
hammer. "Be up-to-date",said the calendar. "Make light of
everything",said the bulb. "Find a
good thing and stick to it",said the glue.
FOUR THINGS THAT
CANNOT BE RECALLED.
There are four things
that cannot be recalled :an arrow that has left its bow, an opportunity
that was neglected, a word that has been spoken, & a life that has
The man from Brazil
was boasting about his brush with large army ants. Not to be outdone,
the Indian said, "Those army ants don't compare with the ants we
have in Karnataka & Kerala. Our ants can trail a ton of load for
miles with ease. Occasionally, they turn on their attendants & even
"Great .What do
you call them?"
Pearl, Bejai , Mangalore
I am the Boss
My boss was
complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting
any respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought
a small sign that read
" I AM THE BOSS'. He then taped it to his
office door. Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found
that someone had taped a note to sign that said 'Your wife called , she
wants her sign back’.
celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody
complimented him on how athletic and well preserved he
appeared."Gentleman, I will tell you the secret of my
success" he cackled " I have been in the open air day
after day for some 75 years now".The celebrants were impressed and
asked how he managed to keep up his rigorous fitness regime. " Well
you see my wife and I were
married 75 years ago. On our wedding day, we made a solemn pledge.
Whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would
go outside and take a walk".
A Couple had been
married for 45 years and had raised a
brood of 11 children and was blessed with 22 grandchildren. When
asked the secret for staying together all that time,the wife
replies,"Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first
one to pack up and leave has to take
all the kids."
COMPLAINING ABOUT THE TEMPERATURE.
A customer was
bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the
airconditioning be turned up because
it was too hot,Then he asked it be turned
down because it was
too cold, and so on for about half an hour. Surprisingly,the waiter was
very patient,he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So
finaly, a second customer asked him why he didn't throw out the pest
."Oh,I really don't care or mind," said the waiter with a
smile “WE DON'T EVEN HAVE AN AIRCONDITIONER.”
A couple was golfing
one day on a very, very exclusive golf course lined with million-dollar
houses. On the third tee, the husband said, "Honey, be very care
ful when you drive the ball. Don't knock out any windows . It'll cost us
a fortune to fix."
The wife teed up and
shanked it right through the window of the biggest house on the course.
The husband cringed and said, "I told you to watch out for the
houses. All right, let's go up there, apologize, and see how much this
is going to cost."
They walked up and
knocked on the door. A voice said, "Come on in.” They
opened the door and saw glass all over the floor and a broken bottle
lying on its side in the foyer.
A man on the couch
said, "Are you the people who broke my window?"
"Uh, yeah. Sorry
about that," the husband replied.
"No, actually, I
want to thank you. I'm a genie who was trapped for a thousand years
inside that bottle. You've released me. I'm allowed to grant three
I'll give you each one
wish, and I'll keep the last one for myself."
great!" the husband said. "I want a million dollars a year for
the rest of my life."
"No problem --
it's the least I could do. And you, what do you want?" the genie
said, looking at the wife. "I want a house in every country of the
world," she said ."Consider it done," the genie replied.
"And what's your
wish, genie?", the husband said.
"Well, since I've
been trapped in that bottle, I haven't had sex with a woman in a
thousand years. My wish is to sleep with your wife."
The husband looked at
the wife and said, "Well, we did get a lot of money and all those houses, honey. I guess
I don't care."
The genie took the
wife upstairs ...............
The genie, looked at
the wife, and said, "How old is your husband, anyway?" "Thirty-five," she
"And he still
believes in genies? ... That's amazing."
PS: Is there a moral
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Barkur, located in Udupi Taluk, Karnataka, India. 576 210
Copyright Kishoo, Barkur 2002.