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A recently promoted lady announced that she should be addressed as 'boss' and not as 'madam'.  I said, "Madam" is more respectful than "boss".  "Why is that?" she shouted.  "You see, if you spell madam backwards you still get 'madam', whereas, if you spell 'boss' backwards, you get 'double S O B.' 

"Please maaím, don't sob!, I mean 'cry'. You just got promoted!"

James Fernandes. USA

Ek sher ki shaadi thi....To uski baarat main ek Chuha bohat jam ke nach raha tha. Public ka to funda hillgaya. Boss yeh Chuhe ko sher ki shaadi main itna kya maja aa raha hai. Ek Bandar ne Chuhe se pucha. "abey item, itna kyon naach riya hai? Chuha bola..

"aaj mere bhai ki shaadi hai, nachoo kyon nahin".

Bandar bola "Sher aur tera bhai - abey bheja khisak gayela hai kya tera!!"

Chuha bola "Haan..... main bhi shaadi ke pehle SHER tha........."

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an afterwork cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, and extremely sexy young man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him...

The Young man noticed her overly "attentive" stare, and walked directly over to her.Before she could offer her apologies for so rudely staring, he leaned over and whispered to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20--   on one condition."

Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The young man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."

The woman considered his proposition for a moment, then slowly removed from her purse a $20 bill, which she pressed into the young man's hand, along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes, and slowly, meaningfully said...

"CLEAN MY HOUSE."

At a bus stop, 2 Italian men get in the bus.  They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.

The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first. But her attention is galvanizingly drawn when she hears one of the men say the following :

"Emma come first,  den i come,  den two  asses  come together.  i come once -a- more.  then  two asses,  they come together again.  i come again  and pee twice,  then i come one lasta time"

"You foul mouthed sex maniac swine" retorted the lady indelegently,  "in this country....we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives".

"Hey,  coola down lady" said the man.  "who is talking about sexa ? I'm just telling my frienda how to spell "mississippi"   

Maurice Dí Mello

Colorful Language

Have you ever tried to summarise, what happened in a few words for insurance forms? The following are true statements taken from the forms and printed in the Toronto news.

Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I donít have.

The other car collided with mine without giving warning  of its intention.

I thought my window was down but found it was up when 'I put my hand through it.

I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.

A truck backed through my windshield into my wifeís face.

A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

The car was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.

I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.

In my attempt to kill a fly I drove into a telephone pole.

I was shopping for plants all day and was on my way home . As I reached an intersection a hedge sprung up  obscuring my vision. I did not see the other car.

I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had the accident.

I was on my way to the doctors with rear end trouble  when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.

To avoid hitting the bumper-bar of the parked car in front, I hit the pedestrian.

My car was legally parked as I backed into the other vehicle.

An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle and vanished.

I told the police I was not injured but in removing my hat I found that I had a fractured skull.

I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.

The pedestrian had no idea which way to run, so I ran him over.

I saw the slow moving old faced gentleman as he bounced off the hood of the car.

I was thrown from my car as it lost the road. It was found in a ditch by some cows.

The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when it struck the front end of my car.

I was unable to stop in time and my car crashed into the other vehicle. The driver and passenger then left immediately for vacation with injuries.

Kishoo

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Barkur, located in Udupi Taluk, Karnataka, India. 576 210

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