Never try to outsmart a woman!

There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money. Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die. I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."

And so he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him. Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket; his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!" She had a box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and the rolled it away. So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband." The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm a Christian, I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him." "You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him !!!

"I sure did" said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it."

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Women Are Smarter Than Men

Due to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widower father died, Charles decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. Going to a singles' bar, he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away. "I'm just an  ordinary man," he said, walking up t o her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die and I'll inherit 20 million dollars." The woman went home with Charles, and the next day she became his stepmother!

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WOMEN Vs MEN

Women's Revenge

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote  control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most legal evil thing I  could do to him.

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Understanding Women (A Man's Perspective)

I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take oiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

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Wife Vs Husband

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

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Words

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men. The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

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Stupid And Beautiful

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

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The Beast

Husband and wife were in the midst of a violent quarrel, and hubby was losing his temper. "Be careful," he said to his wife. "You will bring out the beast in me." So what?" his wife shot back. "Who's afraid of a mouse?"

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SOME EXAMPLES OF WHAT YOUR HUSBAND IS REALLY TELLING YOU:

He says:     "You deserve someone better than me."

He means:  "I've found someone better than you." 

He says:     "I just can't get the hang of ironing."

He means:  "Isn't this women's work?" 

He says:     "You look wonderful."

He means:  "I've done something terrible." 

He says:     "It's probably my fault."

He means:  "It's definitively my fault but there's no way I'm going to apologise and the football's coming on TV now." 

He says:     "We all need our own space."

He means:  "I'm cheating on you." 

He says:    "Do you want to go for a swim?"

He means:  "You've put on weight and need to get some exercise." 

He says:    "Don't tell me you didn't get my text."

He means: "But only because I didn't send it." 

He says:    "I just couldn't get away from office."

He means: "I got sidetracked at the Irish Village." 

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-Charles Lewis, Bangalore