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Two New Elements for the periodic chart:

Element: WOMEN

Symbol: Wo

Atomic Weight: 120 (more or less, usually more) Physical Properties: Generally round in form. Boils at  nothing and may freeze anytime. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.

Chemical Properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity to gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen. Ages rapidly.

Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.

Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands. Handle gently! Instead of gloves and masks, use ear plugs.

Element: MAN

Symbol: Xy

Atomic Weight: 180 +/-100

Physical Properties: Solid at room temperature but gets bent out of shape. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young fresh samples.

Chemical Properties: Attempts to bond with Wo any chance it can get. Also, tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with Kd (element Kid) for prolonged period of time. Pretty basic. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.

Usage: None really, except methane production. Good samples are able to produce large quantities on command.

Caution: In the absence of Wo, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to lose its atomic weight.  Use masks while handling.

James Fernandes, USA

Good Definitions

College:A place where some pursue learning and others learn pursuing.

Etc:A sign to make others believe that you know more than you  actually do.

Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Ecstasy: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.

Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.

Optimist: A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

Pessimist: A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.

Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

Classic: Book, which people praise, but do not read.

Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and woman gains her master.

Father: A banker provided by nature.

Rumor: News that travels at the speed of sound.

Criminal: A guy no different from the rest of us...except that he got caught.

Worry: Interest paid on trouble before it falls due.

Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine power is defeated by feminine power.

Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved.

They boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.

The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?".

They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed.  So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer.  So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?"

The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.  When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time, dude.  God is missing - and they think WE did it!"

Cheers & Best Wishes


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