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BETTER LIVING THROUGH
CHEMISTRY ADDITIONS TO THE 'PERIODIC CHART'
Two New Elements for
the periodic chart:
Atomic Weight: 120
(more or less, usually more) Physical Properties: Generally round in
form. Boils at nothing and
may freeze anytime. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not
Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity to gold, silver,
platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb
great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a
better specimen. Ages rapidly.
ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth.
Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.
explosive in inexperienced hands. Handle gently! Instead of gloves and
masks, use ear plugs.
Atomic Weight: 180
Solid at room temperature but gets bent out of shape. Fairly dense and
sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging
samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young fresh
Attempts to bond with Wo any chance it can get. Also, tends to form
strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with Kd (element
Kid) for prolonged period of time. Pretty basic. Neutralize by
saturating with alcohol.
Usage: None really,
except methane production. Good samples are able to produce large
quantities on command.
Caution: In the
absence of Wo, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to lose its
atomic weight. Use masks
College:A place where
some pursue learning and others learn pursuing.
Etc:A sign to make
others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Office: A place where
you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Ecstasy: A feeling
when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt
who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be
Politician: One who
shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.
Optimist: A person who
starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
Pessimist: A person
who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, instead of the first letter
in word OPPORTUNITY.
Diplomat: A person who
tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to
Classic: Book, which
people praise, but do not read.
Miser: A person who
lives poor so that he can die rich.
Marriage: It's an
agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and woman gains her
Father: A banker
provided by nature.
Rumor: News that
travels at the speed of sound.
Criminal: A guy no
different from the rest of us...except that he got caught.
Worry: Interest paid
on trouble before it falls due.
Boss: Someone who is
early when you are late and late when you are early.
Philosopher: A fool
who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
Tears: The hydraulic
force by which masculine power is defeated by feminine power.
Experience: The name
men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb: An
invention to end all inventions.
Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
A couple had two
little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were
always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief
occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved.
They boys' mother
heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining
children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman
agreed, but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her
8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the
clergyman in the afternoon.
The clergyman, a huge
man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him
sternly, "Where is God?".
They boy's mouth
dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth
hanging open, wide-eyed. So
the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where
is God!!?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer.
So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger
in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?"
The boy screamed and
bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet,
slamming the door behind him. When
his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What
The younger brother,
gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time,
dude. God is missing - and
they think WE did it!"
Cheers & Best
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Barkur, located in Udupi Taluk, Karnataka, India. 576 210
Copyright Kishoo, Barkur 2002.