Q: Why dogs don't marry?

A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!

*****

Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write against mother tongue.?

Santa: Very long!

*****

Banta: Marte waqt aadmi ko kya dena chahiye?

Santa: Birla cement.

Banta: Kyun?

Santa: Kyunki is Cement mein jaan hai.

*****

Banta ek sadhu se bola" Baba, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi upay batao.

Sadhu : Beta, upaay hota to main sadhu kyun banta?

*****

Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.

Santa: Hai.

Frog: Nahin hai.

Santa: Hai.

Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.

Santa: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi.?

*****

Santa was caught for speeding and went before the judge.

The judge: What'll you take 30 days or Rs 3000.

Santa: I think I'll take the money.

*****

Santa: I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about you?

Banta: Me too, after u leave.

*****

Q: How do you recognize Santa's son, Pappu, in School?

A: He is the one who erases the books when the teacher erases the board.

*****

Santa standing on platform suddenly jumps on the railway track.

Banta: Santa you’ll die.

Santa: you’ll die because haven't you heard train is coming on platform?

*****

Santa & Banta got tired of mobile & decide 2 use pigeons. 1 day a pigeon reaches Banta without message. Angry Banta calls Santa!

Santa: Oye, this was a missed call

*****

Banta: Name the 3 fastest means of communication.

Santa: Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman

*****

Q: A Man asked Santa, "Akal badhi ya bhains? "

A: Santa bola, "Pehle date of birth to batao."

*****

Q: Why was Santa writing the exam near the door?

A: Because it was an entrance exam.

*****

What's Ford?

Santa: Gaadi.

What's Oxford?

Santa: So simple, Bail Gaadi

*****

Banta sent sms to Santa: Bhejnewala mahan, padhnewala gadha.

Santa got angry and replied: Bhejnewala gadha, padhnewala mahan.

*****

Santa: My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion's cage.

Banta: He probably got a lot of applause when he got out.

Santa: I didn't say he got out.

*****

Santa found answer to the most difficult question ever- What comes first - the chicken or the egg?

O yaar, jiska order pehle doge, vo ayega!

*****

Santa (reading from book of facts): "Do you know that every time I breathe a man dies?"

Banta: "Why don't you use a mouth wash ?"

******

A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.

Well, it was like this, said the man, I was having  quiet round of golf with my wife, when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows.

We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and   sure   enough, there was my wife's  golf ball ....stuck  right in the  middle of the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake.

"What did you do?" asks the doctor.

Well I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!"

******

The science teacher asked her students "Children, if you could own one mineral what would it be ?"

One boy said,  "I would choose gold. Its' worth lots of money and I could buy a Corvette".

Another boy said, "I would want platinum because its worth more than gold and I  could buy a Porsche".

The teacher said, "Johnny, What would you want?"

Johnny said, "I would want silicone".

"Why would you want silicone?" asked the teacher.

"Well my mom got some," he replied. "And there's always a Porsche or Corvette sitting in our driveway".

******

A taxi passenger  tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost  control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped  centimeters from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver  said:

"Look mate, don't ever do  that again. You scared the daylights out of me!".

The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize  that a little tap would scare you so much."

The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a van carrying dead Bodies for the last 25 years.”

******

A Florist goes to the barber for a haircut and when he goes to pay, the barber says "I can't accept any money; I am doing a community service."

The Florist is happy and leaves the shop.  The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a Thank you Card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.

A Cop goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the Barber and the barber replies: "I am Sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community Service."  The Cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a Thank you Card and a dozen Donuts waiting at his door.

An Indian goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the Barber and the barber replies "I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you, I am doing a  Community Service."  The Indian  guy of course is very happy and leaves the  shop.

The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, he finds a dozen  Indians  waiting for a haircut...

? ? ? ? ?

-Charles Lewis, Bangalore