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Grace Before Meal

There was an atheist swimming in the ocean. Suddenly he saw a shark in the water. The atheist started swimming towards the boat. As he looked back, the atheist saw the shark turn his head towards him. The atheist started swimming faster. He was scared to death. Just then, he turned his head to see the jaws of the great white beast open up, revealing its teeth. In horror, the atheist screamed, "Oh God! Save me!"
In an instant, time was frozen and a bright light shone down from above. The man was motionless in the water as he heard the voice of God say, "You are an atheist. Why do you call upon me when you do not believe in me?"

Aghast with confusion and knowing he couldn't lie, the man replied, "Well, that's true, I don't believe in you, but how about the shark? Can you make the shark believe in you?"

The Lord replied, "As you wish," and the light retracted back into the heavens.
The man could feel the water begin to move once again. He looked back to see the jaws of the shark start to close down on him, when all of a sudden the shark stopped and pulled back. Shocked, the man looked at the shark as the huge beast closed its eyes and bowed its head and said, "Thank you Lord for this food which I am about to receive..." ....!!!!

A little boy, not accustomed to seeing a priest in his "work uniform," went up to the priest and asked, "Why do you dress so funny?"

The priest replied, "This is the uniform that I wear when I work."

The child, still staring at him, asked, "Do you have a boo boo?"

The priest was somewhat puzzled, but quickly figured out that the child was looking at his white and black Roman collar. The priest pulled out the white plastic insert and showed it to the child, telling him that it was also part of his uniform.

On the back side of the collar there was some writing: "Wash with warm soapy water." The priest showed this to the little boy and then asked him, "Do you know what these words say?"

The little boy, obviously much too young to read, stated, "I sure do."

The priest, a little taken aback, then replied, "OK then, tell me what they say."

The little boy then replied, "Kills fleas and ticks for up to six months!"

James Fernandes, USA,,

Great Blunders!

1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at its intended victim during a holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine, and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3.A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After shopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days. 

5. An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit. Sounds like a southern boy to me!

6.A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of her daughters swollen abdomen. It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say, "Your daughter is pregnant."

The mother turned red with fury and she argued with the doctor that her daughter was a good girl and would never compromise her reputation by having sex with a boy.

The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon. The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window! Aren't you paying attention to me?"

"Yes, of course I am paying attention, ma'am. It's just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the East, and three wise men came. And I was hoping that they would show up again."


Arz kiya hai....

Jo muddat se hota aaya hai,  woh repeat kar doonga...                                     Tu naa mili to apni zindagi, shift delete kar doonga...                                   

Shayad mere pyar ko, taste karna bhool gaye...                                              Dil sey aisa cut kiya, ke paste karna bhool gaye...                                     

Laakhon honge nigaah mein, kabhi mujhe bhi pick karo...                                  Mere pyaar ke icon pe,  kabhi to double-click karo...                                        

Roz subha hum karte hain, pyar se unhe good morning...
Woh aise ghoor ke dekte hain , jaise 0 errors aur 5 warning...

Kal jab mile thhe, to dil mein hua ek sound.
Aur aaj mile to kehte hain, your file not found!

Aisa bhi nahin hai ke, I don't like your face.
Par dil ke storage mein, no more disk space.

Ghar se jab tum nikale, pehen ke reshmi gown.
Jaane kitne dilon ka, ho gaya server down.

Jabse meri zindagi mein, aayi hai ik female.
Bhool gaya hai sab kuchh, kya mailbox, kya e-mail.

Dil se ek ishq ki, application create kar raha hoon.
Pyaar se debug karna, mein wait kar raha hoon.

Tumhaare intezaar mein, neend aayee so gaya.
Yeh dekho mera connection, time out ho gaya..

Nazar mein to kai hain,  aur shaayad lonely hain...
Problem yehi hai ki voh, ab read only hain...


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Barkur, located in Udupi Taluk, Karnataka, India. 576 210

Copyright Kishoo, Barkur 2002.