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Grace Before Meal
There was an atheist
swimming in the ocean. Suddenly he saw a shark in the water. The atheist
started swimming towards the boat. As he looked back, the atheist saw
the shark turn his head towards him. The atheist started swimming
faster. He was scared to death. Just then, he turned his head to see the
jaws of the great white beast open up, revealing its teeth. In horror,
the atheist screamed, "Oh God! Save me!"
Aghast with confusion
and knowing he couldn't lie, the man replied, "Well, that's true, I
don't believe in you, but how about the shark? Can you make the shark
believe in you?"
The Lord replied,
"As you wish," and the light retracted back into the heavens.
A little boy, not
accustomed to seeing a priest in his "work uniform," went up
to the priest and asked, "Why do you dress so funny?"
The priest replied,
"This is the uniform that I wear when I work."
The child, still
staring at him, asked, "Do you have a boo boo?"
The priest was
somewhat puzzled, but quickly figured out that the child was looking at
his white and black Roman collar. The priest pulled out the white
plastic insert and showed it to the child, telling him that it was also
part of his uniform.
On the back side of
the collar there was some writing: "Wash with warm soapy
water." The priest showed this to the little boy and then asked
him, "Do you know what these words say?"
The little boy,
obviously much too young to read, stated, "I sure do."
The priest, a little
taken aback, then replied, "OK then, tell me what they say."
The little boy then
replied, "Kills fleas and ticks for up to six months!"
1. When his 38-caliber
revolver failed to fire at its intended victim during a holdup in Long
Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot did something that can
only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger
again. This time it worked.
2. The chef at a hotel
in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine, and, after a
little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The
company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look
for himself. He tried the machine out and lost a finger. The chef's
claim was approved.
3.A man who shoveled
snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in
Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space.
Understandably, he shot her.
4. After shopping for
drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20
mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to
Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver
went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free
ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling
the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre
fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5. An American
teenager was in the hospital yesterday recovering from serious head
wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the
injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close
he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit. Sounds like a
southern boy to me!
6.A mother took her
daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to
determine the cause of her daughters swollen abdomen. It only took the
doctor about 2 seconds to say, "Your daughter is pregnant."
The mother turned red
with fury and she argued with the doctor that her daughter was a good
girl and would never compromise her reputation by having sex with a boy.
The doctor faced the
window and silently watched the horizon. The mother became enraged and
screamed, "Quit looking out the window! Aren't you paying attention
"Yes, of course I
am paying attention, ma'am. It's just that the last time this happened,
a star appeared in the East, and three wise men came. And I was hoping
that they would show up again."
Arz kiya hai....
Jo muddat se hota aaya hai, woh repeat kar doonga... Tu naa mili to apni zindagi, shift delete kar doonga...
Shayad mere pyar ko, taste karna bhool gaye... Dil sey aisa cut kiya, ke paste karna bhool gaye...
Laakhon honge nigaah mein, kabhi mujhe bhi pick karo... Mere pyaar ke icon pe, kabhi to double-click karo...
Roz subha hum karte
hain, pyar se unhe good morning...
Kal jab mile thhe, to
dil mein hua ek sound.
Aisa bhi nahin hai ke,
I don't like your face.
Ghar se jab tum nikale,
pehen ke reshmi gown.
Jabse meri zindagi
mein, aayi hai ik female.
Dil se ek ishq ki,
application create kar raha hoon.
Tumhaare intezaar mein,
neend aayee so gaya.
Nazar mein to kai hain,
aur shaayad lonely hain...
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Barkur, located in Udupi Taluk, Karnataka, India. 576 210
Copyright Kishoo, Barkur 2002.