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How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest? They Take The Psycho Path.

How Do You Get Holy Water? You Boil The Hell Out Of It.

What Do Fish Say When They Hit A Concrete Wall? Dam!

What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long? Polaroids

Where Do You Find A Dog With No Legs? Right Where You Left Him.

How Are A Texas Tornado And A Tennessee Divorce The Same? Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer... 

What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours? Nacho Cheese.

Glen Coelho,

A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him, and as he sits the bartender comes over, and asks for their order. The man says, "I'll have a beer" and turns to the ostrich. "What's yours?" "I'll have a beer, too" says the ostrich.

The bartender pours the beer and says "That will be $3.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exact change for payment. The next day, the man, and the ostrich come again, and the man says I'll have a beer," and the ostrich says "I'll have the same." Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes a routine until, late one evening, the two enter again."The usual?" asks the bartender.

"Well, it's close to last call, so I'll have a large scotch" says the man. "Same for me" says the ostrich. "That will be $7.20" says the bartender. Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the bar.

The bartender can't hold back his curiosity any longer. "Excuse me sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?" "Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I just put my hand in my pocket, and the right amount of money will always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the bartender. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!” 

“That's right! Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man. The bartender asks "One other thing, sir, what's with the 'ostrich?"

The man replies "My second wish was for a chick with long legs."

Check this conversation ....... (try to figure out if u can..!)

Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation. One of  them kept complaining of family problems.

Finally, the other man said, "You  think you have family problems? Listen to my situation. A few years ago I met a young widow with a  grown-up daughter, and we got married. Later my father married my  stepdaughter. That made my stepdaughter my stepmother and my  father became my stepson. Also, my wife became mother -in-law of her  father-in-law.Then the daughter of my wife, my stepmother, had a son. This boy  was my half-brother because he was my father's son, but he was also the  son of my wife's daughter, which made him my wife's grandson. That made me the grandfather of my  half-brother.  This was nothing until my wife and I had a son. Now the  half-sister of my son, my stepmother , is also the grandmother. This makes my father the brother-in-law of my  child, whose  stepsister is my father's wife. I'm my stepmother's brother-in-law, my wife is her own child's aunt, my son is my father's nephew and I'm my own grandfather! And you think you have family problems!


Anger Management Quotes and Proverbs

Buddha:Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.

Chinese Proverb:If you are patient in one moment of  anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.

Thomas Haliburton: When a man is wrong and won't admit is, he always gets angry.

Jefferson: When angry, count ten before you speak; if very angry, a hundred.

Leo Buscaglia: Don't hold to anger, hurt or pain. They steal your energy and keep you from love.

Booker T. Washington: I will permit no man to narrow and degrade my soul by making me hate him.

Helen Douglas: Character isn't inherited. One builds it daily by the way one thinks and acts, thought by thought, action by action. If one lets fear or hate or anger take possession of the mind, they become self-forged chains.

HW Longfellow: If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man's life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm any hostility.

Marcus Aurelius: How much more grevious are the consequences

of anger than the causes of it.

John Dryden:Beware of the fury of the patient man.

Unknown: Sticks and stones may break your bones when there's anger to impart. Spiteful words can hurt your feelings but silence breaks your heart.

Lord Halifax: Anger is seldom without an argument but seldom with a good one.

Unknown: Anger is as a stone cast into a wasp's nest.

Chuck Norris: Men are like steel: when they lose their temper, they lose their worth.

Tryon Edwards: To rule one's anger is well; to prevent it is still better.

Marcus Antonius: Consider how much more you often suffer from your anger and grief, than from those very things for which you are angry and grieved.

Cato: An angry man opens his mouth and shuts up his eyes.

W. R. Alger: Men often make up in wrath what they want in reason.

Golda Meir: You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist.

St. Francis De Sales: There was never an angry man that thought this anger unjust.

Shakespeare: Men in rage strike those that wish them best.

Elizabeth Kenny: He who angers you conquers you.

Greek:Those who the Gods would destroy First they would make angry

John Steinbeck: In the souls of the people the grapes of wrath are filling and growing heavy, growing heavy for the vintage.

Willard Gaylin: Expressing anger is a form of public littering.

John Dryden:Beware the fury of a patient man.

Henry Beecher: Never forget what a man says to you when he is angry.

Lawrence J. Peter: Speak when you're angry, and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.

Tamil proverb: Great anger is more destructive than the sword.

Pythagoras:Anger begins with folly and ends with repentance.

Pasquier Quesnel: Anger causes us often to condemn in one what we approve in another.

Charles De Gaulle: When I am right, I get angry. Churchill gets angry when he is wrong. So we were often angry at each other.

Alfred Montapert: Every time you get angry, you poison your own system.

Daniel Webster: Keep cool; anger is not an argument.

Thomas Fuller: Two things a man should never be angry at: what he can help, and what he cannot help.

Clarendon: Anger is the most impotent passion that accompanies the mind of man; it effects nothing it goes about; and hurts the man who is possessed by it more than any other against whom it is directed.

Elizabeth 1: Anger makes dull men witty, but it keeps them poor.

Thomas a Kempis: Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be.

James Thurber: Let us not look back in anger or forward in  fear, but around in awareness.

Aristotle (384-322 BC) - Greek philosopher: Anyone can become angry. That is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way - that is not easy.

Proverbs 14:17a He that is soon angry dealeth foolishly...

Daniel Webster:Keep cool; anger is not an argument.

Benjamin Franklin: Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.

Seneca: He is a fool who cannot be angry; but he is a wise man who will not.

Ralph Waldo Emerson: A man makes inferiors his superiors  by heat; self control is the rule. Anger is an uncontrollable feeling that betrays what you are when you are not yourself. Anger is that powerful internal force that blows out the light of reason. Know this to be the enemy: it is anger, born of desire.

Hungry man is an angry man. Any questions?

James Fernandes,

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Barkur, located in Udupi Taluk, Karnataka, India. 576 210

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