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How Do Crazy People Go
Through The Forest? They Take The Psycho Path.
How Do You Get Holy
Water? You Boil The Hell Out Of It.
What Do Fish Say When
They Hit A Concrete Wall? Dam!
What Do Eskimos Get
From Sitting On The Ice too Long? Polaroids
Where Do You Find A
Dog With No Legs? Right Where You Left Him.
How Are A Texas
Tornado And A Tennessee Divorce The Same? Somebody's Gonna Lose A
What Do You Call
Cheese That Isn't Yours? Nacho Cheese.
A man walks up to the
bar with an ostrich behind him, and as he sits the bartender comes over,
and asks for their order. The man says, "I'll have a beer" and
turns to the ostrich. "What's yours?" "I'll have a beer,
too" says the ostrich.
The bartender pours
the beer and says "That will be $3.40 please," and the man
reaches into his pocket and pulls out exact change for payment. The next
day, the man, and the ostrich come again, and the man says I'll have a
beer," and the ostrich says "I'll have the same." Once
again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This
becomes a routine until, late one evening, the two enter again."The
usual?" asks the bartender.
"Well, it's close
to last call, so I'll have a large scotch" says the man. "Same
for me" says the ostrich. "That will be $7.20" says the
bartender. Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and
places it on the bar.
The bartender can't
hold back his curiosity any longer. "Excuse me sir. How do you
manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every
time?" "Well," says the man, "several years ago I
was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie
appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had
to pay for anything, I just put my hand in my pocket, and the right
amount of money will always be there."
brilliant!" says the bartender. "Most people would wish for a
million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want
for as long as you live!”
Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is
always there," says the man. The bartender asks "One other
thing, sir, what's with the 'ostrich?"
The man replies
"My second wish was for a chick with long legs."
conversation ....... (try to figure out if u can..!)
Two men met at a bus
stop and struck up a conversation. One of
them kept complaining of family problems.
Finally, the other man said, "You think you have family problems? Listen to my situation. A few years ago I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter, and we got married. Later my father married my stepdaughter. That made my stepdaughter my stepmother and my father became my stepson. Also, my wife became mother -in-law of her father-in-law.Then the daughter of my wife, my stepmother, had a son. This boy was my half-brother because he was my father's son, but he was also the son of my wife's daughter, which made him my wife's grandson. That made me the grandfather of my half-brother. This was nothing until my wife and I had a son. Now the half-sister of my son, my stepmother , is also the grandmother. This makes my father the brother-in-law of my child, whose stepsister is my father's wife. I'm my stepmother's brother-in-law, my wife is her own child's aunt, my son is my father's nephew and I'm my own grandfather! And you think you have family problems!
Quotes and Proverbs
Buddha:Holding on to
anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at
someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
Chinese Proverb:If you
are patient in one moment of anger,
you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.
When a man is wrong and won't admit is, he always gets angry.
Jefferson: When angry,
count ten before you speak; if very angry, a hundred.
Leo Buscaglia: Don't
hold to anger, hurt or pain. They steal your energy and keep you from
Booker T. Washington:
I will permit no man to narrow and degrade my soul by making me hate
Character isn't inherited. One builds it daily by the way one thinks and
acts, thought by thought, action by action. If one lets fear or hate or
anger take possession of the mind, they become self-forged chains.
HW Longfellow: If we
could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each
man's life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm any hostility.
Marcus Aurelius: How
much more grevious are the consequences
of anger than the
causes of it.
John Dryden:Beware of
the fury of the patient man.
Unknown: Sticks and
stones may break your bones when there's anger to impart. Spiteful words
can hurt your feelings but silence breaks your heart.
Lord Halifax: Anger is
seldom without an argument but seldom with a good one.
Unknown: Anger is as a
stone cast into a wasp's nest.
Chuck Norris: Men are
like steel: when they lose their temper, they lose their worth.
Tryon Edwards: To rule
one's anger is well; to prevent it is still better.
Consider how much more you often suffer from your anger and grief, than
from those very things for which you are angry and grieved.
Cato: An angry man
opens his mouth and shuts up his eyes.
W. R. Alger: Men often
make up in wrath what they want in reason.
Golda Meir: You cannot
shake hands with a clenched fist.
St. Francis De Sales:
There was never an angry man that thought this anger unjust.
Shakespeare: Men in
rage strike those that wish them best.
Elizabeth Kenny: He
who angers you conquers you.
Greek:Those who the
Gods would destroy First they would make angry
John Steinbeck: In the
souls of the people the grapes of wrath are filling and growing heavy,
growing heavy for the vintage.
Expressing anger is a form of public littering.
John Dryden:Beware the
fury of a patient man.
Henry Beecher: Never
forget what a man says to you when he is angry.
Lawrence J. Peter:
Speak when you're angry, and you'll make the best speech you'll ever
Tamil proverb: Great
anger is more destructive than the sword.
begins with folly and ends with repentance.
Anger causes us often to condemn in one what we approve in another.
Charles De Gaulle:
When I am right, I get angry. Churchill gets angry when he is wrong. So
we were often angry at each other.
Every time you get angry, you poison your own system.
Daniel Webster: Keep
cool; anger is not an argument.
Thomas Fuller: Two
things a man should never be angry at: what he can help, and what he
Clarendon: Anger is
the most impotent passion that accompanies the mind of man; it effects
nothing it goes about; and hurts the man who is possessed by it more
than any other against whom it is directed.
Elizabeth 1: Anger
makes dull men witty, but it keeps them poor.
Thomas a Kempis: Be
not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you
cannot make yourself as you wish to be.
James Thurber: Let us
not look back in anger or forward in
fear, but around in awareness.
Aristotle (384-322 BC)
- Greek philosopher: Anyone can become angry. That is easy. But to be
angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for
the right purpose and in the right way - that is not easy.
Proverbs 14:17a He
that is soon angry dealeth foolishly...
cool; anger is not an argument.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
Seneca: He is a fool
who cannot be angry; but he is a wise man who will not.
Ralph Waldo Emerson: A
man makes inferiors his superiors by
heat; self control is the rule. Anger is an uncontrollable feeling that
betrays what you are when you are not yourself. Anger is that powerful
internal force that blows out the light of reason. Know this to be the
enemy: it is anger, born of desire.
Hungry man is an angry
man. Any questions?
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Barkur, located in Udupi Taluk, Karnataka, India. 576 210
Copyright Kishoo, Barkur 2002.