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Sorry folks, I forgot to name the website! Here
James Fernandes, Jimtoxic@aol.com
Here is a very useful website. It converts just about anything to
anything else. Like kilograms to pounds, miles to kilometers
et-cetera, over 5000 units to about 30,000 conversions.
Gentlemen and gentle ladies: It does not convert anyone to any other religion! Thank God for that!
Abe Lincoln had always
blacked his own boots (polished his own shoes) when he lived in
Illinois. And when he became president and went to live in the White
House, he didn't see any reason to change.
Without even looking
up from his work, Lincoln asked, "Then whose boots do they
An elderly pastor was
searching his closet for his collar before church one Sunday morning. In
the back of the closet, he found a small box containing three eggs and
one hundred $1 bills. He called his wife into the closet to ask her
about the box and its contents. Embarrassed, she admitted having
hidden the box there for their entire 45 years of marriage. Disappointed
and hurt, the pastor asked her, "WHY?" The wife
replied that she hadn't wanted to hurt his feelings. He asked her
how the box could have hurt his feelings. She said that every time
during their marriage that he had delivered a poor sermon, (as per the
members of the Altar & Rosary society), she had placed an egg in the
box. The pastor felt that three poor sermons in 45 years was
certainly nothing to feel bad about, so he asked her what the $100 was
for. She replied, "Each time I got a dozen eggs, I sold them
to the neighbors for $1."
James Fernandes ,Jimtoxic@aol.com
God passed out brains,I thought he said trains,
I missed mine.
God passed out looks,I thought He said books,
I didn't want any.
God passed out ears,I thought He said beers,
I asked for two long ones.
God passed out legs,I thought He said kegs,
I asked for two fat ones.
God passed out noses,I thought He said roses,
I asked for a big red one.
God passed out heads,I thought He said beds,
I asked for a big soft one.
am I a mess?
: Is this my train?
Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
: Don't try to be funny. I mean can I take this train to Kuala Lumpur.
Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.
: Do you want dinner?
: Sure, what are my choices?
: Yes and no.
woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the
habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a
tree to intercept him on the way home.When her husband came by, she
jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and
are you?" he asked.
the Devil", she responded.
"Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister."
Recipe For Forever
all of the ingredients together, so that they are close at hand! Get a
clean cloth and wipe the bowl clean of any lingering *dust* from the
past. Take MATURITY,
RESPECT, and FRIENDSHIP, and stir gently. Add unlimited amounts of
COMPASSION and KINDNESS, and mix well.
To this,add CARING by the handfuls, and fold in TRUST.
Continue stirring gently, adding LISTENING, HONESTY, and large
amounts of COMMUNICATION.Slip in some DREAMS, GOALS, and firm pieces
of KEEPING PROMISES. Bake
in a home filled with PEACE, BEAUTY, and SERENITY.
single evening As I'm
lying here in bed This tiny little prayer
Keeps running through my head. God bless all my family
Wherever they may be, Keep them warm and safe from harm
For they're so close to me.
God, there is one more thing I
wish that you could do. Hope you don't mind me asking,
Bless my computer too. Now I know that it's not normal
To bless a mother board, But listen just a second
While I explain to you 'My Lord'.
see, that little metal box Holds
more than odds & ends Inside those small compartments
Rest so many of my FRIENDS. I know so much about them
By the kindness that they give And this little scrap of metal
Takes me in to where they live. By faith is how I know them
Much the same as you We share in what life brings us
And from that our friendship grew.
take an extra minute From your duties up above To bless those in my
address book That's
filled with so much love! Wherever else this prayer may reach To each
and every friend, bless each e-mail Inbox
And the person who hits Send. When you update your heavenly
list On your own CD-Rom
Remember each who've said this prayer Sent up to God.Com. Amen.
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Barkur, located in Udupi Taluk, Karnataka, India. 576 210
Copyright Kishoo, Barkur 2002.