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Sorry folks, I forgot to name the website!  Here it is.:
Next time, before jumping into the swimming pool, I will make sure, there is enough water in it! One who does nothing never commits any mistakes!

James Fernandes,

Folks:  Here is a very useful website.  It converts just about anything to anything else.  Like kilograms to pounds, miles to kilometers et-cetera, over 5000 units to about 30,000  conversions. 
Students:Please double check the answers!

Gentlemen and gentle ladies: It does not convert anyone to any other religion!  Thank God for that!

Abe Lincoln had always blacked his own boots (polished his own shoes) when he lived in Illinois. And when he became president and went to live in the White House, he didn't see any reason to change. 
One morning Mr. Chase, the Secretary of the Treasury, came to the White House and found President Lincoln blacking his boots.  "Mr. Lincoln!", said Chase.  "Gentlemen don't black their own boots in Washington!"

Without even looking up from his work, Lincoln asked, "Then whose boots do they black?"

An elderly pastor was searching his closet for his collar before church one Sunday morning. In the back of the closet, he found a small box containing three eggs and one hundred $1 bills. He called his wife into the closet to ask her about the box and its contents.  Embarrassed, she admitted having hidden the box there for their entire 45 years of marriage. Disappointed and hurt, the pastor asked her, "WHY?"   The wife replied that she hadn't wanted to hurt his feelings.  He asked her how the box could have hurt his feelings. She said that every time during their marriage that he had delivered a poor sermon, (as per the members of the Altar & Rosary society), she had placed an egg in the box.  The pastor felt that three poor sermons in 45 years was certainly nothing to feel bad about, so he asked her what the $100 was for.  She replied, "Each time I got a dozen eggs, I sold them to the neighbors for $1."

James Fernandes ,

When God passed out brains,I thought he said trains,

and I missed mine.

When God passed out looks,I thought He said books,

and I didn't want any.

When God passed out ears,I thought He said beers,

and I asked for two long ones.

When God passed out legs,I thought He said kegs,

and I asked for two fat ones.

When God passed out noses,I thought He said roses,

and I asked for a big red one.

When God passed out heads,I thought He said beds,

and I asked for a big soft one.

God am I a mess?


Lady : Is this my train?

Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.

Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean can I take this train to Kuala Lumpur.

Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.


Wife : Do you want dinner?

Husband : Sure, what are my choices?

Wife : Yes and no.


A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home.When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"I'm the Devil", she responded.

"Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister."


Recipe For Forever

Gather all of the ingredients together, so that they are close at hand! Get a clean cloth and wipe the bowl clean of any lingering *dust* from the past.  Take MATURITY, RESPECT, and FRIENDSHIP, and stir gently. Add unlimited amounts of COMPASSION and KINDNESS, and mix well.  To this,add CARING by the handfuls, and fold in TRUST.  Continue stirring gently, adding LISTENING, HONESTY, and large amounts of COMMUNICATION.Slip in some DREAMS, GOALS, and firm pieces of KEEPING PROMISES.  Bake in a home filled with PEACE, BEAUTY, and SERENITY. 

Before you taste the finished product, sprinkle liberally with PATIENCE, LOVE, and a touch of SPICE.  Serve very hot, with IMAGINATION on the side.


Dear Lord:

Every single evening  As I'm lying here in bed This tiny little prayer  Keeps running through my head. God bless all my family  Wherever they may be, Keep them warm and safe from harm  For they're so close to me.

And God, there is one more thing  I wish that you could do. Hope you don't mind me asking,  Bless my computer too. Now I know that it's not normal  To bless a mother board, But listen just a second  While I explain to you 'My Lord'.

You see, that little metal box  Holds more than odds & ends Inside those small compartments  Rest so many of my FRIENDS. I know so much about them  By the kindness that they give And this little scrap of metal  Takes me in to where they live. By faith is how I know them  Much the same as you We share in what life brings us  And from that our friendship grew.

Please, take an extra minute From your duties up above To bless those in my address book  That's filled with so much love! Wherever else this prayer may reach To each and every friend, bless each e-mail Inbox  And the person who hits Send. When you update your heavenly list  On your own CD-Rom

Remember each who've said this prayer  Sent up to God.Com. Amen.



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Barkur, located in Udupi Taluk, Karnataka, India. 576 210

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