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It was written by 8-year-old, Danny Dutton of Chula Vista, CA, for his
third-grade homework assignment. The assignment was to explain God. Wonder if any of us could do as well?"


One of God's main jobs is making people. He makes them to replace the ones that die, so there will be enough people to take care of things on earth. He doesn't make grown-ups, just babies. I think because they are smaller and easier to make. That way He doesn't have to take up His valuable time teaching them to talk and walk. He can just leave that to mothers and fathers. God's second most important job is listening to prayers. An awful lot of this goes on, since some people, like preachers and things, pray at times beside bedtime. God doesn't have time to listen to the radio or TV
because of this. Because He hears everything, there must be a terrible lot of noise in His ears, unless He has thought of a way to turn it off.

God sees everything and hears everything and is everywhere which keeps Him pretty busy. So you shouldn't go wasting His time by going over your Mom and Dad's head asking for something they said you couldn't have.

Atheists are people who don't believe in God. I don't think there are any in Chula Vista. At least there aren't any who come to our church.
Jesus is God's Son. He used to do all the hard work like walking on water  and performing miracles and trying to teach the people who didn't want to  learn about God. They finally got tired of Him preaching to them and they crucified Him. But He was good and kind, like His Father and He told His Father that they didn't know what they were doing and to forgive them and God said "O.K."

His Dad (God) appreciated everything that He had done and all His hard work on earth so He told Him He didn't have to go out on the road anymore.  He could stay in heaven. So He did. And now He helps His Dad out by listening to prayers and seeing things which are important for God to take care of and which ones He can take care of Himself without having to bother God. Like a secretary, only more important. You can pray anytime

You want and they are sure to help you because they got it worked out so one of them is on duty all the time.  You should always go to church on Sunday because it makes God happy, and if there's anybody you want to make happy, it's God. Don't skip church to do something you think will be more fun like going to the beach. This is wrong. And besides, the sun doesn't come out at the beach until noon anyway.

If you don't believe in God, besides being an atheist, you will be very
lonely, because your parents can't go everywhere with you, like to camp, but God can.  It is good to know He's around you when you're scared in the dark or when you can't swim and you get thrown into real deep water by big kids. shouldn't just always think of what God can do for you. I figure God put me here and He can take me back anytime He pleases.  And...That’s why I believe in God.


Honest Job Applicant

An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No."

The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?"

The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."

The most powerful Vacuum Cleaner …

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."

"P*** off!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money" and she proceeded to close the door.  Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open.

"Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse sh*t all over her hallway carpet.

"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse sh*t  from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the  remainder."

"Well," she said, "I hope you've got a bloody good appetite because  the electricity was cut off this morning."

-Jossie Pinto, Kuwait

Cough medicine

The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the  wall?"

The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle  of laxative."

The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"

The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"


There were four Sardars in Mumbai. They decided to start a business. After considerable discussion, they finally decided to start a Hotel. They selected the best of locations and built the hotel. The hotel was inaugurated and was awaiting its first customer. The sardars waited and waited but nobody turned up. The same story was the next day. A week passed, but nobody turned up.


Because there was a sign at the Entrance: 'Visitors not allowed'

After the failure of their hotel, they decided to start an Auto Garage.  They bought the best of car servicing equipment and soon started the garage. The four sardars waited that day for the first car to arrive but no car entered their garage. They waited for one day, 2 days, a week, but no car came to their garage.

WHY? ...

Because their garage was on the first floor.

After this failure they decided to fall back on the good old Taxi Driving. They bought a new Premier Padmini cab running on CNG and began to look for passengers. They drew past Churchgate but nobody hailed their taxi. They went to Nariman point yet nobody hailed their taxi. They drove to Chatrapati Shivaji Terminus, even there nobody hailed their taxi. In desperation they kept on driving all around Mumbai but alas no one hailed their taxi.

WHY? .......

Because all the four sardars were sitting in the taxi!!

All the four sardars were very disgusted with their 'bad luck' and decided to push their taxi into the sea at Marine Lines. They started pushing their taxi. They pushed the whole day and were very exhausted but the taxi did not move even an inch. They decided to rest for the night and start the next day. The next day the story repeated itself. The taxi just wouldn't move. They pushed for a whole week but the taxi wouldn't budge.


Because two sardarjis were pushing from front and two from behind!!!

Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert.  Congress said, "someone may steal from it at night."  So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.  Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?"

So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.  Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?"

So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports.  Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?"

So they created the following positions, a time keeper, and a payroll  officer, then hired two people.  Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?"

So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.  Then Congress said, "We have had this command in operation for one year and we are over budget, we must cutback overall cost."

So they laid off the night watchman.

Goans declaring the war on Saddam….

Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when his telephone rang.

"Haallo, Mr. Hussein!" a heavily accented voice said, "This is Pedroo from Bardez, State of Goa.  I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring the war on you!"

"Well, Pedro," Saddam replied, "This is indeed important news!  How big is your army?" "Right now," said Pedro, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Diego, my next door neighbor Savio, and the entire football team from our parish. That makes eight"

Saddam paused. "I must tell you, Pedroo, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move at my command".

"Maincho Go," said Pedroo, "I'll have to ring you back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Pedroo called again. "Mr. Hussein, it is Pedroo; I’m calling from Bardez STD, the war is still on!  We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be, Pedroo?" Saddam asked.

"Well, we have two combines, a donkey and my brother Agnelo's Matador van."

Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Pedroo, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1.5 million, since we last spoke."

"Ye Deva...bhogos saiba" said Pedroo, "I'll have to get back to you."

Sure enough, Pedroo rang again the next day. "Mr. Hussein, the war is still on!  We have managed to get ourselves airborne...... We've modified Agnelo's Matador van by adding a couple of shotguns, sticking on some wings and thevillage generator. Four school-pass boys from Dabholim have joined us as well!"

Saddam was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Pedroo, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And, since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

"Mojhe Jesu...." said Pedroo, "I'll have to ring you back."

Sure enough, Pedroo called again the next day. "Hello, Mr. Hussein! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Saddam, chuckling quietly. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

"Well," said Pedroo, "we've all had a long chat over a couple of bottles of feni, and we decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners of war !!"

 Sunitha DSilva , Kuwait

You don't like me....?

Jolvin Furtado, Mumbai


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