At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly
compared the computer industry with the auto industry and
stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer
industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000
miles to the gallon".
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press
release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft,
we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, would have
to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason.
You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all
of the windows,
shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you
could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would
cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case
you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was
reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but
would run on only five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights
would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An
Illegal Operation" warning light.
7.The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock
you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted
the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to
learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls
would operate in the same manner as the old car.
10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine
Some amusing characteristics of cats. Do
they sound familiar?
--Cats do what they want. --They rarely listen to you.
--They are totally unpredictable.--They whine when they are not
--When you want to play, they want to be alone. --When you want
to be alone, they want to play.
--They expect you to cater to their every whim.--They are moody.
--They leave hair everywhere.--They drive you nuts and cost an
arm and a leg.
--CONCLUSION: They are tiny little women in fur coats.
This is an actual collection of leave letters and applications
1. A candidate's application: "This has reference to your
advertisement calling for a "typist and an accountant - Male or
Female"...As I am both for the past several years and I can
handle both, I am applying for the post.
2. An employee applied for leave as follows: "Since I have to
go to my village to sell my land along with my wife. Please
sanction me one week leave."
3. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I have to go to the cremation ground and I may not
return, please grant me half day casual leave."
4. A leave letter to a headmaster: "As I am studying in this
school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me
5. Another letter written to the headmaster: "As my headache is
paining, please grant me leave for the day".
6. Another "I am suffering from fever, please declare holiday
to the school."
7. A covering note "I am enclosed herewith..."
8. Another leave letter written to Administration dept: "As my
mother-in-law has expired and I am responsible for it, please
grant me 10 days leave."
9. Actual letter written for application of leave: "My wife is
suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I
may be granted leave"
10. Letter writing: - "I am in well here and hope you are also
in the same well."
Amusing: L/R brain coordination.....
It's worth a try.
While sitting at your desk make clockwise circles with your
right foot. While doing this, draw the number "6" in the air
with your right hand.
Your foot will change direction.
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew
the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and
then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee".
The husband said, " You are in charge of the cooking around here
and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just
wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No you should do it, and besides it is in the
Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, " I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and shows
him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says
There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all
of his money. He was a real miser when it came to his money. He
loved money more than just about anything, and just before he
died, he said to his wife, Now listen, when I die, I want you to
take all my money and place it in the casket with me. I wanna
take my money to the afterlife." So he got his wife to promise
him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all the
money in the casket with him. Well, one day he died.
He was stretched out in the casket, the wife was sitting there
in black next to her closest friend. When they finished the
ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the
casket, the wife said "Wait just a minute!" She had a shoe box
with her, she came over with the box and placed it in the
Then the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away.
Her friend said, "I hope you weren't crazy enough to put all
that money in the casket. She said, "Yes, I promised. I'm a good
Christian, I can't lie. I promised him that I was going to put
that money in that casket with him." "You mean to tell me you
put every cent of his money in the casket with him?"
"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into
my account and I wrote him a check."
There was a gentleman walking with two heavy suitcases in an
airport terminal. Someone approached and asked him what time it
was. The gentleman bends down to park the two heavy suitcases
and stares at his watch. But this was no ordinary watch! He
touches a tiny button and his administrative assistant's face
appears. He asks her, "Mary, what time is it?"
Mary answers instantly and with a smile! The questioner is
thoroughly impressed!!! He asks, "What kind of a watch is
that?" "It's like a TV with two-way real-time communication,"
the gentleman explains. He adds that the watch is the latest
technology with Intel's brand new 128-bit chip with processor
speed of 10 Gigahertz.
The onlooker is now quite impressed and wanted to know if he
could buy this watch from the gentleman. They agree on a price
and the cash was handed immediately. The gentleman takes his
watch out and hands it over and then away. The new owner stares
at the two heavy suitcases and shouts, "Sir, you forgot your
The gentleman stops, smiles, and replies, "No, they are yours
now. They are the modems you need for your new watch .
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees
about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He
dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a
child's whispered, "Hello?" Feeling put out at the
inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster, the boss asked,
"Is your Daddy home?"
"Yes" whispered the small voice. "May I talk with him?" the man
asked. To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered,
"No." Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your
“Yes" came the answer. "May I talk with her?"
Again, the small voice whispered, "No" Knowing that it was not
likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss
decided he would just leave a message with the person who should
be there watching over the child. "Is there any one there
besides you?" the boss asked the child.
"Yes" whispered the child, "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the
boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?" "No he's busy"
said the little voice. "Busy doing what?" asked the boss.
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the fireman." came the
whispered answer. Growing concerned and even worried as he heard
the sound of a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the
boss asked, "What isthat noise?"
"A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice. "What is going
on there?!" asked the boss, now getting alarmed.
In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team
just landed the hello-copper." Alarmed, concerned and more than
just a little frustrated, the boss asked, "What are they
Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled